So i'm about to get sentimental. Sorry. I know that's so unlike me. But on the heels of my "best friends are bitches" post, I had to shout out one bitch in particular. Dongbanger. You may know her as Jo from my previous post, but this bitch is the creme de la creme. We met during study abroad and, as you can guess, things didn't go as smoothly as one would hope. However, we managed to cross that hurdle with a night that will forever be known as "cat-pee night". While I'm not completely sure what happened that night, I do know that I was building a bond with her that would last a lifetime.
Since our days peeing at the Eiffel Tower and country-hopping, we've gone through a lot. I look back on the past year and can't believe how much we've grown and how much closer we've become. I remember reading The Babysitters' Club and watching Full House and thinking that while they were having tons of fun, life wasn't really like that. There weren't those hug and cry moments that were accented with smooth jazz. Every fight didn't end in a thirty minute format.
However, when I think about my relationship with Jo, it does have that television feel. It's one of those friendship that make cinematic gold like Beaches, although which one of us is Bette Midler is still questionable. She's my ride or die chick and one of my biggest supporters. I can definitely tell her anything and I would do anything for her. Don't get me wrong, she's still a bitch, but she's my bitch. That's fucking love.
Will we be friends forever? Yes! That's one of the few relationships that I feel certain about. I can't seem to get rid of this heifer. Thank God for that. So when we start our production company and begin filming the reality show "My Big Fat Korean Catholic Wedding", you'll know why I continue to suffer around unattractive boys and their overbearing mothers. It's because she's worth it. Plus I love me a hot Korean boy. Yum. If you see one, send them my way!!
Bisous Bitches!
she's gonna get so gassed from this post...crap
Showing posts with label jo. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jo. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Friday, March 4, 2011
those first few seconds...
I have a great arsenal of friends in my life and I cherish them deeply. However I think its important to note that for the most part I didn't like any of them immeadiately. I'm a bitch and so are most of my friends. This doesn't mean we go out of our ways to be mean to people, but we don't deal with the falsehoods people constantly evoke. We live in the honest. That means that I'd rather have you hate me about something I was truthful about than to feel your wrath about a lie. That's just how we roll. But this tough exterior matched with a no nosense nonchalance is a bit abrasive at first glance.
Take for instance 2 of my besties, Jemima and Naimah. We're the closest of friends and I consider them ride or die, but whenwe first met, they were downright cold. We were in the same afterschool program in the 7th grade and on the first day, I came an hour late. I waltzed in with my handbag that didn't contain books or writing materials and sat my ass down. I made it just in time for math class--one of my favorite subject. In order to make up for my extreme lateness, I started to answer every question. Well apparently prior to my arrival, both Jemima and Naimah were the brains of the class and they didn't like the new bitch encroaching on their territory. So like they do in the animal kingdom, they began to attack. Now how do girls attack? With their minds. Jemima and Naimah rotated their chairs so that instead of facing the blackboard their chairs now faced me on the opposite side of the room. For the remainder of the class they mean mugged me and everyone felt it. This continued on for a week until our teacher, Mr. Boulis, made us join the same group. Turns out we had a lot in common and we have been friends ever since.
For most of my friends I have a similar story--extreme dislike at first followed by extreme love later. I thought that we were all just a product of our environment. We all grew in Brooklyn and NYC is the place where the weak are eaten first. However, when I studied abroad, I learned that bitchiness is a global trait.
My paris amis are all people whom I never thought I would be friends with. I didn't want to be associated with any of them. Mitchell I hated because during the orientation months prior, he kept asking stupid questions and wore a really pink shirt. I made a mental note not to be anywhere near him when I landed in Paris. Loni was my roommate when I first arrived and gave me a bad taste in my mouth. I had heard wondeful things about Josephine but when I met her she barely said hi and tried as hard as possible to leave the breakfast table. Bitch. Joy had a mean face on and looked like she was already bored of everything. All of these people annoyed the shit out of me by the end of the second day in Paris and its more than 2 years later and I still consider them my best friends. Its funny how you never know where your life will take you.
So I guess my point ( if I have one) is how much importance we give first impressions. I based entire relationships on a cursory glance and it seemed that I was wrong most of the time. Yet it doesn't seem that I don't still judge people by their book covers. They say how you dress and act are a representation of who you are and I believe that's true. But what if I misunderstand what you're representing. I look at your all black ensemble and I think that you're a melodramatic goth when really you're a chic new yorker or a beatnik. How much work does it take to get past the facade and get to the meat of the matter? Probably a five minute conversation. Definitely less than the length of a train ride, yet we never invest. It makes me kinda sad to think there are countless people who would enrich my life but I'll never find out because of a faulty first impression. Especially when I have friends I wouldn't change for the world.
Take for instance 2 of my besties, Jemima and Naimah. We're the closest of friends and I consider them ride or die, but whenwe first met, they were downright cold. We were in the same afterschool program in the 7th grade and on the first day, I came an hour late. I waltzed in with my handbag that didn't contain books or writing materials and sat my ass down. I made it just in time for math class--one of my favorite subject. In order to make up for my extreme lateness, I started to answer every question. Well apparently prior to my arrival, both Jemima and Naimah were the brains of the class and they didn't like the new bitch encroaching on their territory. So like they do in the animal kingdom, they began to attack. Now how do girls attack? With their minds. Jemima and Naimah rotated their chairs so that instead of facing the blackboard their chairs now faced me on the opposite side of the room. For the remainder of the class they mean mugged me and everyone felt it. This continued on for a week until our teacher, Mr. Boulis, made us join the same group. Turns out we had a lot in common and we have been friends ever since.
For most of my friends I have a similar story--extreme dislike at first followed by extreme love later. I thought that we were all just a product of our environment. We all grew in Brooklyn and NYC is the place where the weak are eaten first. However, when I studied abroad, I learned that bitchiness is a global trait.
My paris amis are all people whom I never thought I would be friends with. I didn't want to be associated with any of them. Mitchell I hated because during the orientation months prior, he kept asking stupid questions and wore a really pink shirt. I made a mental note not to be anywhere near him when I landed in Paris. Loni was my roommate when I first arrived and gave me a bad taste in my mouth. I had heard wondeful things about Josephine but when I met her she barely said hi and tried as hard as possible to leave the breakfast table. Bitch. Joy had a mean face on and looked like she was already bored of everything. All of these people annoyed the shit out of me by the end of the second day in Paris and its more than 2 years later and I still consider them my best friends. Its funny how you never know where your life will take you.
So I guess my point ( if I have one) is how much importance we give first impressions. I based entire relationships on a cursory glance and it seemed that I was wrong most of the time. Yet it doesn't seem that I don't still judge people by their book covers. They say how you dress and act are a representation of who you are and I believe that's true. But what if I misunderstand what you're representing. I look at your all black ensemble and I think that you're a melodramatic goth when really you're a chic new yorker or a beatnik. How much work does it take to get past the facade and get to the meat of the matter? Probably a five minute conversation. Definitely less than the length of a train ride, yet we never invest. It makes me kinda sad to think there are countless people who would enrich my life but I'll never find out because of a faulty first impression. Especially when I have friends I wouldn't change for the world.
Friday, January 28, 2011
the nights that we live for...
The weather in New York sucks. There are snow piles taller than most adults. I've been nursing a cup of hot chocolate, incapable of making it anywhere because the MTA sucks balls and I have no idea where under the mountain of snow in front of my house is my car. Mother Nature you are one selfish and contemptous cunt. Yeah I said it. Let's just make sure this shit changes in time for my birthday or we're going to have serious problems. So since I've been stuck at home, I've been reading books (The Wind Up Bird Chronicle and The Hunger Games trilogy), watching movies (Dr. Strangelove and Being There. Love Peter Sellers!) and looking at old albums.
I've rediscovered these pictures taken from my semester abroad in Paris and I've realized how much I want to go back. Not just to Paris but to that time in general. It was the most carefree I've ever been. I didn't have to work, I had the easiest classes ever and I lived in the most beautiful city in the world. My days of leisure started out at a cafe ordering my pain chocolat and my nights ended with me running for the metro or searching for the night bus. Even though there were times when I hated it, I have the most intense desire to relive it. Especially cause life isn't as carefree now. Sure I missed my friends and family but I built myself a new love nest. I had a french mom and sister, who I love so much. My friends were the best and we would travel practically every weekend and have extraordinary adventures. Its strange how four months of a year can change the course for the remainder of your life. I want to go back. I want to get cheap shots at Frog and Princess. I want to watch everyone wired on ecstasy at Maison. I want to dance all night at Duplex. I want my weekly wine nights back. Sure I could do without the racism and cigarette smoke, but even in France the smoke smells so much better. There are a shitload of stories I could tell you (and believe me, I intend to), but for now I just want to go back to the nights that we never wanted to end.
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Wednesday, December 15, 2010
runaway love
It's the middle of december. I haven't bought Christmas presents yet and I'm banking on overnight shipping to get it done. I always say that I'm going to be the early bird, but in reality, even though I plan very well, I don't have enough time to actually put those plans into motion. Take for instance, this past week. I finished up at my internship, I worked at my part-time office job and then I freelance for 5 days. And while those five days were fun, I was on my feet for fourteen hour days taking lunch orders and being treated like a minion. I know that I shouldn't complain. I have very little experience and any opportunity to learn is amazing. I'm willing to work my way from the bottom to the top, my only question is what do I see at the top? I feel like I ended up in production when my real goal was acting. Now I'm on the track to becoming a producer, which is still one of my goals, but I'm not getting any closer to becoming an actor (or director or writer). Sometimes I feel so lost.
I'm starting to realize that this feeling isn't exactly unique to me. I saw my bestie Josephine this weekend and we ended up on the topic of our immeadiate futures. She's in production too and landed herself a full-time job as an office PA. Jo and I probably have similar goals. She has such a bubbly, vivacious personality and people are just immeadiatly drawn to her. Sometimes I think that she should be in front of the camera instead of behind it. She would be an amazing on-air interviewer or even a entertainment journalist (as proven by her short-lived college radio show called E-buzz). But instead she's milling along the office trail like me. At least she's getting paid for it.
During the talk about our futures, she brought up an interesting note. She said to me "I'm so impressed by your optimism". Optimism? I've always considered myself a pessimist and I'm never surprised when shit hits the fan. The universe has a tricky way of fucking with me, so I'm rarely surprised by the dilemmas that I deal with on a regular basis. When Jo referred to my optimism, I had to ask her what she meant by that. She said that she knows so many people whose lives aren't going the way that they intended and have become so depressed, but somehow, I've managed to keep it from getting me down. It was in that moment that I realized two things. 1. Every postgraduate feels a sense of darkness. Whether it's because you're unemployed or you have the job of your dreams, becoming an adult has this looming sense of finality. It's as if we're supposed to be adults overnight.
My friend Jason, whom I've become serious texting buddies with, sent me a bbm that read "ive been struggling with the whole thing, i feel like my whole existence is a big joke". This was after I made fun of him for contemplating becoming on the enemy: a banker. But I see why he would consider it. Why not work a soul-less job and make lots of cash, when you feel empty inside now and aren't making the big bucks. If money can't buy you happiness, then what can? We're all struggling with the reality of ourselves and the dream of ourselves. When they don't align, the sense of failure is almost unbearable.
The other thing I learned was that I was unhappy. I hadn't really realized it until Jo pointed it out, but there's a definite sense of unhappiness that is flooding through my veins. I think I hadn't realized earlier was because of the immense fatigue I've been experiencing. Without time to actually sit and gather my thoughts, I never realized that I was on a course that wasn't going to lead me to the Emerald City. This is how it happens. THis is how someone remains an office assistant for forty years. This is how a college graduate with a Ph.D ends up being a personal assistant to some big name executive. When you don't have the time to reflect, you never see what's really there.
This thought has terrified me since leaving Jo. I'm starting to see the cracks in everyone's life. One of our friends just moved to China because she needed a break from the post-college depression. It can be overwhelming at times. Although I don't think I'll go that far, I can see the temptation. Running away from my problems sounds amazing right now. The only real issue is that I'll have to run back to them at one point. I can't run away from growing up.
And now I've been offered this job and I'm hesitant to take it. It would be a wonderful opportunity for me to the side the business side of production and to be more hands-on in the process, but if I do this, will it be me giving up on my other goals? Will I be settling and just following the structured path? I want it all, I just don't know how to get there. That's probably the root of all depression. The acknowledgment that you don't know how to save yourself.
I'm starting to realize that this feeling isn't exactly unique to me. I saw my bestie Josephine this weekend and we ended up on the topic of our immeadiate futures. She's in production too and landed herself a full-time job as an office PA. Jo and I probably have similar goals. She has such a bubbly, vivacious personality and people are just immeadiatly drawn to her. Sometimes I think that she should be in front of the camera instead of behind it. She would be an amazing on-air interviewer or even a entertainment journalist (as proven by her short-lived college radio show called E-buzz). But instead she's milling along the office trail like me. At least she's getting paid for it.
During the talk about our futures, she brought up an interesting note. She said to me "I'm so impressed by your optimism". Optimism? I've always considered myself a pessimist and I'm never surprised when shit hits the fan. The universe has a tricky way of fucking with me, so I'm rarely surprised by the dilemmas that I deal with on a regular basis. When Jo referred to my optimism, I had to ask her what she meant by that. She said that she knows so many people whose lives aren't going the way that they intended and have become so depressed, but somehow, I've managed to keep it from getting me down. It was in that moment that I realized two things. 1. Every postgraduate feels a sense of darkness. Whether it's because you're unemployed or you have the job of your dreams, becoming an adult has this looming sense of finality. It's as if we're supposed to be adults overnight.
My friend Jason, whom I've become serious texting buddies with, sent me a bbm that read "ive been struggling with the whole thing, i feel like my whole existence is a big joke". This was after I made fun of him for contemplating becoming on the enemy: a banker. But I see why he would consider it. Why not work a soul-less job and make lots of cash, when you feel empty inside now and aren't making the big bucks. If money can't buy you happiness, then what can? We're all struggling with the reality of ourselves and the dream of ourselves. When they don't align, the sense of failure is almost unbearable.
The other thing I learned was that I was unhappy. I hadn't really realized it until Jo pointed it out, but there's a definite sense of unhappiness that is flooding through my veins. I think I hadn't realized earlier was because of the immense fatigue I've been experiencing. Without time to actually sit and gather my thoughts, I never realized that I was on a course that wasn't going to lead me to the Emerald City. This is how it happens. THis is how someone remains an office assistant for forty years. This is how a college graduate with a Ph.D ends up being a personal assistant to some big name executive. When you don't have the time to reflect, you never see what's really there.
This thought has terrified me since leaving Jo. I'm starting to see the cracks in everyone's life. One of our friends just moved to China because she needed a break from the post-college depression. It can be overwhelming at times. Although I don't think I'll go that far, I can see the temptation. Running away from my problems sounds amazing right now. The only real issue is that I'll have to run back to them at one point. I can't run away from growing up.
And now I've been offered this job and I'm hesitant to take it. It would be a wonderful opportunity for me to the side the business side of production and to be more hands-on in the process, but if I do this, will it be me giving up on my other goals? Will I be settling and just following the structured path? I want it all, I just don't know how to get there. That's probably the root of all depression. The acknowledgment that you don't know how to save yourself.
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